Friday, March 02, 2007

Beware the Ides of March

Things to beware of between now and the 15th of March:

-John McCain might finally decide to formally announce the fact that he’s running for President (or did he already?)

-All of Anna Nicole Smith’s boyfriends will die suddenly from unknown causes, none of them having to do with the significant amount of drugs and sex they ingested while in Anna Nicole’s company.

-Global warming will cause March showers which will bring April flowers which will leave May to simply be the superfluous month that we thought February was.

-Alan Greenspan will forget that he’s no longer head of the Fed and announce that this country has officially entered a recession, at which point the Bush administration will take him to a secret CIA jail in some unknown European country (most likely Italy) and torture him until he takes his words back.

-Iraq will enter into a civil war;
-The Palestinians will enter into a civil war;
-The Lebanese will enter into a civil war;
-Texas will secede from the Union and start a civil war so the U.S. doesn't get lonely.

-We’ll find out that the Oscar telecast we thought ended after 4 hours on Sunday night is actually still running.

-John McCain will decide to postpone his formal announcement until April.