52 Pickup

No one will ever confuse me for a stud muffin at a bar or nightclub who picks up previously unknown women and convinces them that their phone number belongs on the back of the dry cleaning receipt that’s tucked in my wallet, and which I have supposedly taken with me so that, of course, I can pick up my clean clothes after I leave the bar. Nevertheless, I can always play make-believe.

Last week, in the middle of a splendid Italian dinner and bottle of wine with my brother and with my friend Mark we asked ourselves the following question: What's the best way to meet a woman on a swing dance floor and get her number after the first dance? Given that all three of us are swing dancers, this question had practical implications for all of us, though our discussion at the dinner table was merely one of intellectual curiosity (obviously). I would add the disclaimer that I’ve never successfully met a woman on the swing dance floor (hey, I’m surprised too), so I couldn’t bring my experience to bear on the conversation.

In fact, our discussion was spurred by Mark's recent addiction to the self-explanatory VH1 television reality show, Pickup Artist, and by his upcoming departure for a swing dance retreat in Wisconsin where, with all due respect to my friends in Wisconsin, there’s not a whole lot to do once it starts getting cold outside (which usually happens in the middle of July there) except challenge oneself to a game of 52 Pickup – and I’m not referring to picking up sticks. (The truth is I don’t know if there’s really a 52 Pickup dating game, but if there isn’t one then there should be because it sounds catchy).

Ultimately, our discussion centered on the questions that we would pose at the end of the dance in order to get our respective dance partner not only willing but wanting to give us her phone number. The questions that were immediately nixed were what we categorized as “identity inquiries”, such as “What’s your name?” and “What do you do in real life?”, which I have to confess is what I usually ask at the end of a dance, and which might explain my aforementioned lack of success.

Instead, the three questions we came up with after 45 minutes of serious talk-time that we thought had the highest likelihood of success were as follows:

-Who’s prettier Beyonce or Shakira?
-What’s your favorite dance movie?
-I’m planning a trip abroad and can go anywhere in the world. Where do you think I should go?

Looking at these questions on the screen in front of me, I’m the first one to admit that these questions might sound shallow and, for the most part, have nothing to do with swing dancing. But that’s exactly the point that we all realized. These questions might not be intellectual brain teasers, but they’re all designed to engage our respective dance partner in a conversation instead of interrogating her with the hope that we can uncover some commonalities in our backgrounds or identities.

The questions are also just off-kilter enough that, though the initial response might be a confused “Um, what did you just ask?”, they’re memorable and provocative. Take the Beyonce-Shakira question, for example. Many men and women have an opinion on which of these two celebrities is more likeable, attractive, or promotes a better public image. This might be presumptive, but the Beyonce-Shakira question also begs the thought, “why is this person with whom I just danced interested in Shakira and Beyonce, but not me?”

Since my conversation with Mark and my brother, I haven’t had the opportunity myself to get on the dance floor and experiment scientifically with our hypotheses. Another bottle of wine and a trip to the laundromat to get a few spare dry cleaning tickets are on my to-do list before I actually go that route. In the meantime, however, I’m going to give my friend Mark a call and find out how the dancing was in Wisconsin.